A letter to my self

Dear Sandiswa

Your life, in this very moment, is crap. But your soul though, at it’s best.
The way you think is immensely fast, sometimes deep, but at the end of the day, it’s joyful (in a complex way) because you’re drawn to simplicity, positivity and light. Luckily you find it easy to tune your feelings, knowing that everything, even life, is temporary. So going about each emotion, especially with the right music, is a daily routine that works so well for you.
You’re young, with a peaceful aura and restless mind and mouth.
I love that you’re smart, you know that feelings fluctuate and that no person stays happy or sad forever. At times you could be similar to some people who’d diagnose themselves as depressed because of what deeply negative and pitiful thoughts you have during those dark and lonely hours and how you just lay your head on the pillow with that lump in your throat, the tears just begin to flow out with everything wrong you’ve ever done and all your regrets rushing into your head performing a concise play to show how your life is not the same as others. Your life is sad. Because you show love so much but you never receive it the same way, you’re a happy soul but it can be so overlooked, you’re here for the sweet side of life, while others are here for the reality. And now, you blame yourself for being too optimistic and hopeful. All that’s left is just you feeling stupid and delusional.
But it’s good that you know and believe that you’re not depressed, that these are just intense emotions that spiral out of control and stay with you for a long time, but so is happiness when something really good comes your way. It stays with you too.
I love that each day you wake up knowing that you have a life to live and that seasons don’t stop for you, so pushing through is the only way. I love that you get to appreciate yourself when you’re happy again, those are the sweet moments your soul lives for, to see yourself from that beautiful angle of appreciation. You know you’re growing, you know you’re trying to just live life the best way, with or without money (with would be best tho lol), and you know that this life was never promised to be easy but you take each day to thank the higher bodies for living another 24 hours, because you believe you have your own path and mission on this earth and it will be done, especially with the blessings passed down on you from your precious family.
It’s amazing to see you grow like this, knowing what dark and pessimistic issues you may have at times, (but those times are rare and only come when negative external circumstances rain on you, it’s never who you are or want to be, but it happens) yet you still have an optimistic nature in general and try to be happy each day. Your light is something really wonderful and I hope no one ever dims it down to the point where it can’t light up again, ever.
As much as this is a letter of appreciation and recognition, I’d like for you to also know that it’s important to stay humble. Yes, your light shines bright, but don’t let it shine so bright that it makes others dim down, but only just to light them up, much like a candle. So know that you are a sweet soul with a lit aura, but know that others also have their own process of lighting up and in their own magnificent way. Never let a person feel insecure because of you (even though I think we both know we’ve never done that, but in case you just randomly get ahead of yourself). Other than that though, I trust that you’ll go through this life in a good, human way. Rough rides here and there and extremely wonderful ones at times, but it never changes who you are. A free-spirited dreamer who lives for the joys of life and to just spread goodness to everyone (and I know it tickles your soul to see someone happy or laughing because of you, so best believe you’re a good soul).
Ultimately, you are growing! And this path was suited just for you because look at who you are now, and how much you’ve elevated, and how you’ll still elevate. Damn girl, dis amazing.
I pray you stay this wonderful being and that you learn to stay appreciating yourself, because those times when you’re so super insecure irk me, but I guess it’s part of human emotions so let it be, but never let it be you.

Your (recently nineteen year) young soul.

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